Beginnings

This is a new post on a new blog.  It is not the whole journey. It is simply a beginning.

This blog is centered on the difficulty of parenting, and how important the journey of parenting is, both for the child and the parent.

When we first bring our child home and put it down for sleep, we are faced with the enormity of the journey we face.  Every minute of every day will be occupied with thoughts and hopes for this little person to live a good and happy life.  We stand there and watch them writhe a bit in their new crib, in their new clothes, and we know that we can never dare to close our eyes.  Sleep is out of the question. What if he or she needs something? I must be getting it to them immediately!

What we do not see in these first months is how things will change, how we will change, and how our children will grow away from us.  After three weeks of no sleep and constant worry, we may entertain the smallest of concessions that maybe some independence would be a good thing. But all good parents learn to shoulder their role and soldier on.

What I want to offer all parents here at the outset is a thought on making concessions.  To concede any ground when passionately charged to defend it is a terribly hard choice to make. You are soaked with the willingness to defend your child's physical health, their mental health, their mental development, their spiritual development, and their happiness. Just watch your insides rage up when you see someone else threaten your child's happiness. You'll see what I am talking about.

But, over the years, all parents learn to gradually ease off these defenses and allow more and more influences to seep into their child's realm.  The battle within a parent is one of wisdom. What is the decision I will look back upon fondly?

School brings teachers who know the norms for your child's age group; new friends from other families you know nothing about; and new social dynamics like bullying and bad behaviors your child must process and make choices about - identity choices, fitting in choices, and happiness choices. Through grade school you will be an important and wanted guide, but come middle school you will be tossed aside like an empty soda can. Here is when you will face your most important choices of concession.

It is easy to disparage ourselves when our children decide we are no longer the goose that lays golden eggs. We are still needed for things like food, clothes, money, transportation, permission slips, and health care, but our children don't want to hear from us anymore.  We can see that teachers, youth group leaders, friends, pop stars, fashion trends, social media posts, and even their friends' parents will be the voices of influence our children cherish above our own. No one knows them better than us. No one cares more about their entire life journey, success, and happiness more than we do. And yet, we have become the last person they want to listen to.

It is here that we must decide carefully.  Our feelings are hurt. Our children are being foolish and wrong. And yet we cannot say anything lest we lose even more credibility. The easy reaction is to become indignant, offended, and enraged. But this does not create the impression or reputation of the sanctuary that our children will need when their forays into the jungle of life turn against them.

We must look ahead of where they are and become what they will want to grab onto when they realize their need. The idea is not to serve our own wants of importance in their eyes.  Our greater want is to see them soar. And so, it is with this want in mind that we must choose well which concessions we make. Just as the new parent must concede their own need for sleep prevails over the desire for omnipresent watchfulness, so too does the parent of a pre-teen choose to loosen the tethers and allow this fledgling to test their wings a bit.